30 July 2014 - Chemical Resources Division of TransRepo Industries is still attempting to reconstruct the exact make-up of final compound that contaminated employees were exposed to in the course of incident #C3CXX072814-1. Philology Department of Employee Resources Division has managed a partial reconstruction of the remaining character markings on affiliated containers. At least one associated element may have been imported from Parallel D4E as part of a routine Parallel trade route introductory development shipment. While known biological specimens from Parallel D4E do bear physical similarities to Homo Sapiens (at least in initial appearance), there are obvious and varied contrasts as well.
Currently at 72 hours post-exposure, employees do not bear genetic markings unique to Parallel D4E although there are indicators of future potential. Significantly, despite the clear passage of real-time as evidenced on all established recording devices, all three affected employees behave as though they are experiencing only an equivalent number of minutes.
Red: "Ahhhh, first it's the gas, now it feels like I've got my worst case of shin-splints since 10th grade cross-country."
Blue: "Speak for yourself. I'm feeling pretty good right about now. With these puppies, I think I might be able to swing a few free drinks at the club when we get out of here."
Yellow: "Funny you should say puppies. How many breasts do you think you have?"
Blue: "What the heck is that supposed to mean? Just the two....nicely-growing ones!"
Yellow: "Yeahhhh, about that, how 'bout you let me handle the selfies?"
Red: "Speak for yourself girl - looks like you're packing a little more junk in the trunk than you were last week.
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